Buckets and Buckets and Buckets, Oh My...

My neighbors are probably still laughing at me. I have been out front, bucketing green water from the pond again. I planned to do 30 buckets this morning, figuring that's about 30% of the volume of water in the pond. Once again we're talking buckets of green water. It's a pretty green until you think about what's in it. Fish poop, sun, water temperature change, algae bloom... Lots of stuff that through the transitive property equals one LARGE "gross". So I'm not going to think about what's in it anymore.

Except I will tell you that I facebooked (OK, so I made it a verb) the possibility that this green stuff might, perhaps, be an anti-aging treatment. My friends asked for gallons, some volunteered help with bottles and marketing. Sadly though, my hands remain covered in age spots. And I am SO NOT STICKING my face in the green water. At least not until my hands look better. And given that these same fish used to live indoors and I've been taking care of their water for the better part of a decade, it's not looking good for the whole anti-aging thing but it was fun to think about.

So 30 buckets OUT, which I poured hither and yon around the yard, taking special care to not lose any fish in the process. Then it's 30 gallons of fresh water IN to top off the pond, along with a squirt of what I call "happy fish slime". "Happy fish slime" (sold comercially under less attractive names) mitigates the chlorine in the fresh water and de-stresses the fish. It's a wonder they don't sell this in gallon jugs for hot tub use. Or maybe they do - I don't have a hot tub.

My neighbors, who find our whole fish pond "period" amusing, saw me bucketing and asked what I was up to. I explained that in really good aquariums with healthy fish you have a 3 part filter system; mechanical, biological and chemical. I told them I was working on a Nobel prize for a new 4th component to filtering systems. I call it the manual filter. I, with my own hands, remove dirty water and then, with those same hands turn on the hose to replace the dirty water with clean water. At this point the neighbors started backing away, said "hasta luego" and vanished. Smart folks, the neighbors.

OK, so I know I didn't invent this component, because I simply cannot be the first person on earth to be stupid enough to go through this process several times a week for what appears to be an endless period of time, but IF I write it all down and send it in to the Nobel prize committee first then I'll get credit. And quite frankly, if I win a $1,000,000 then I'll be able to pay someone else to figure out how best to avoid green water in the first place. Although I have that part figured out already. Give the fish away, drain the pond and fill it with dirt. Which leads immediately to the age old "stay at home mom" question: "but what will you do with all your spare time?" To which I'll give the standard "stay at home mom" answer: "HA!"

Janice Arrowood
Buckets and Buckets and Buckets, Oh My © 2009